A N D S O

I think it's been awhile since I talked to you.
For that I apologize.

I explain:

I got a job at Michael's Craft Store.

I am a cashier. I do not count anything. I like the kids that aren't bad. I make money.

I'm moving.

Ty and I have been living in a poor excuse for a house. (But it was ours which, in the end, was all that mattered). We're moving, signed the papers today, and should be in within the next few days. It's a great apartment, water and power included in the rent. Two roommates at the moment. Clean, new, DISHWASHER. It's great.

I haven't done NaNoWriMo. (Or MAT99, for that matter). I get stressed sometimes thinking about anything, because I have this sinking feeling something should be wrong. There's all these people around me telling me that I should just give up, go home, school is too hard, I won't make enough money, I won't be able to have a future. And I get stressed, and I cry, and I sleep and I don't think or realize the truth: Everything is okay.

I make minimum wage. I live in student housing. I go to a shitty university. I don't write everyday.

I eat, daily, a lot. I'm living on my own, at eighteen (at fifteen). I'm in COLLEGE. I AM a writer. I'm happy that I'm doing these things. I am doing what I want to be doing with my life, and the joy and fulfillment I get from doing so can only be judged by me.

I was living in a shitty house, now I'm not. I didn't have a job, now I do. I wasn't doing well in school, I figured it out. I'm overcoming the trials of life and if I wasn't, then I wouldn't get the satisfaction that I do from it.


tl;dr:
I'm happy because my life is hard and I can deal with it. Shut up, & thank you for caring. <3 <3

Cokes For Lack Of Better Cake

You don’t know it
but you sounded off your birthday
of two decades and two years
with a Coke can popping in the light
of our refrigerator door

and that made me love you more.
And think of the holes in your eyes
where the world seeps through
and translates to your brain
what makes a person a person--
what makes a person good.

It made me fold into your chest,
crumpled as the receipts on the sticky
floorboards of your car

it made me think of eyelids and sleeping
and noises we’ll never know we make

it made me love you.

So I thought of birthdays
the anniversary of the days not spent dying
the astonishment we’ve felt as a civilization for centuries
that we could inhabit the earth for so long

and so I thought of you
tiny, crumpled like me in your chest
dreaming, dying, and I wonder
what woke you up

a sound so quick, as a Coke can pop,
“Not yet.”

What kept you coming back, to have another
today? What can make a person good
except living?

T H I S G I R L

I feel like me and this girl
are pretty similar. I want to
make us the same.

______________________



I feel like me and this girl
are pretty similar. I want to
make us the same.
_______________________



PS: I'm going to see a movie with Tydee.
Machete, Quentin Tarentino FTW.

__________________________________

H O W T O H A X Y O U R B R A I N

NOTABLE QUOTABLE:
[on bowling] one shoe on one shoe off, slidin' down the alley!
--FACEBOOK

I want to talk to you about blogging. [Yes, I'm tearing down the fourth wall and pointing directly at you.] I've been neglecting you, which is something I do sometimes. I've also been treating you like we're friends, which I have to do sometimes.

But I also think I should mention that I didn't intend for this to be a diary, a place to come whine. When I started this no one read it. It was a blog for me to free write in. Where I could do everything Natalie Goldberg and Dr. Lebow wanted me to do. Write badly;write often. But, now I feel like I have a lot to say. Now, I want you guys to understand.

I'd rather you hear it from me.

(That would be the title of my blog, if I changed it--I think.)

On a sidebar, I think Pandora finally understands me. I made a Vampire Weekend station. That doesn't mean I want to listen to Death Cab every three songs, even though I love them, it means I want you to play Ben Folds.

And yes, I do like Band of Horses, no matter who showed them to me.

So I think if Pandora gets me after two years, maybe you do too. Because honestly I did make this blog for Mony. And everything in my life will always be for her, or related to her. Because sometimes family makes more sense than religion, and love makes more sense than devotion, and it's a lot easier to love and understand your crazy great-grandmother.

So, I'm sorry, Mr. Whitebeard but maybe you should write me back and take some lessons from sweet old cajun ladies. Really, I feel like gumbo can be enough religion for anyone.

Jordan's blogs make me cry. Jordan is a beautiful person. I think friends become family just as easy as some family can never be your friend. Jordan's blog is called ENGLISH IV. Even though we're in college now. It's a title. It's a moment and a picture of that time. That's what my title is. If she's not changing hers I'm not changing mine.

I haven't told you about Mony in a while. I'll do that.

*Mony told Mom happy birthday four times on four separate days, and sent her two birthday cards.
*I called Mony for she and Paw's anniversary. She said these things:

-it sure is hot
-you start school soon?
-that's on my calendar
-it's almost your mom's birthday
-I called your mom
-is it your birthday?

____________________________________________________

OTHER THINGS

W O W

I'm going to start playing WOW soon. Once I finish reading.

Tydee and I will play together. I can't wait. :3

S L E E P I N G W I TH F O N D U E

WANTED: sponsor for budding writer and journalist. Must have money. Needed, someone to afford trips to other countries (for inspiration), schooling (for learning), and supplies (like pasta and sushi). Apply below.

I guess Daniel Bitch and I are similar. Because I get up too early for classes too. But, it's SO much better than the alternative.

Tydee is still asleep. And I want to wake him up and make him kiss me and be sweet. But, I can't describe accurately how adorable he is when he's sleeping. It's like, I don't even, it's like chocolate fondue and puppies.

The paper comes out today. (TUES&THURS) Last time, I was page ten, this time page three.

Page one is in sight. I get a lot of stories. And Sam said I'm the most reliable. That makes me happy. I have a lot to do. I'm so scared I'll forget to do something. AH. College is stress.

E D U C A T I O N

Ty doesn't know how great the mountain goats are. I plan to inform him. Also Neutral Milk Hotel. I should be asleep. I want to sleep in the internet. With 4chan at the foot of my bed.

anheroanheroanherobabybabyanhero

I feel like there's a lot Ty just hasn't heard. Things that I love. And I mean, since I'm listing links, I of course won't think of everything. But, Ty can't be the only one. So, I expect everyone to listen to music. More and all of it. Because there's more than Lady Gaga. Even though she is amazing. There's more than our middle school selves.

And I don't know why
but I care a lot about that right now.

P O K E M O N

I've been playing and watching Pokemon all day. Ty is playing Pokemon Snap and Pokemon Stadium.

We're about to play some Mario, though.
For a change of pace.

I'm making Hamburger Helper. I hope it turns out alright.

I can't beat yellow. I've tried for fifteen years. I'm so pathetic. I'll never be a srsgamr like Tydee.

I'm done. The only reason I still have a Facebook is for contacts. But you're childish.
I hate people.
.
..
...
..
.




I'm going skating with Black Mafia today. Friendterventions are new, and very nice.
.
..
...
..
.
Tydee is so sweet. I don't know what I'd do without him, or my friends.
(Also)
Some people just don't know what being a friend means, and that's sad.

C R I C K E T S A R E G E R M A N

"Your hair is like Germany."
"Cricket...I don't think Bears can kiss Crickets. I think that's just eating."
TYDEE: I need some caulk to fill these cracks."
ME: WUT
TYDEE: CAUUULLKKK
ME: pft
"Why do you have so much feta cheese on your sandwich? That's just a feta sandwich with ham."

"You're really mean when you sleep, I think I'm bruised."

U R C U T E L I E K P O O P

Tydee made me better when I was sick. :3 He takes care of me,

he's so sweet. He mad me soup and got all my medicine and didn't let me walk to get blankets or cokes or anything. I love him.

Everyone is acting so weird lately. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But you think you know a person and then POOF, they're a zombie. They're an apocolapse. Look out, kiddos, your best friend is the end of the world, your cat is a black whole, and your hamster cures cancer.


I'm being sarcastic.











These guys mean more to me than most people I know IRL. SRSLY. Days like today I find myself scrolling through my phone to text John about a cute girl at work, or a new found Nerdfighter.





I don't want you to apologize. Really, none of you. I've thought about it and I'm just done. I'm convinced. It cannot be fixed. You messed up. I'm so tired. I just want to get out of this high school hole and act a little more grown up. Sorry. But, that's some immature gaming going down.








So I'm loving my job at Justice when I can actually work. I hate just standing, greeting is a joke. I am not that peppy. Sorry. Let me fold, organize, or run dressing rooms. I just want hours. I just want to be productive. I just want to be able to eat sushi once a week and bathe. That's all my life needs. And my laptop, oh internet.

If you can count you can haiku.
DERP.

Today the internet told me I was ugly. But then the internet told the internet to STFU. And it did. And I was so happy I got fuzzy--then I sneezed.

I love gaia so hard. I can't even stop. I'm nostalgia-in like a loser but I can't help it at all. It's INSANE.

I'm getting up at six AM to take my sister to drill team. I have to go to work at two. Where will the sleep happen?

I love my job. I love those little girls. But the moms suck, a lot of them. It's sad.

I don't think parents know how to parent. I mean, I'm not saying I DO. But, I don't think I would tell my daughter, "-name-, you can't shop here! You got fat and now none of these clothes look right on you. And I'm not going to have you going out and making me look bad."

1) She was overweight, but I would never say that to my child. Ever.
2) I would never let my child get that overweight. Ever. You do have control over that.
3) There were clothes that fit her there. Aplenty.

I was so mad I could scream. But then one little girl and her mom came in and started looking around and the mom would hold something out and say, "do you like this?" and the little girl would say, "eh." Then she would take it over to me and ask, "My mom likes this, is it cute?"

1) I am color deficient. In no way am I the outfit queen.
2) They were NOT cute, but I told the little girl they were because her mom was like, very close by.
3) I wanted to tweet that when it happened. I could not, as I was at work.

My allergies are trying to kill me. My throat hurts so bad. I could sleep for a week. I mean, I'm glad I have a lot of hours, but I'm so tired. I'll be happy next week when I don't work quite as much.

I'm trying to decided whether or not I want to go see the kids at MSA. I don't know. I might wait a while. I might have to with work and school. Dumb.

I can't figure out my online alcohol class.

Tydee looks like a bear when he's sleeping. I love him.

I'm sleepy now. I love you.

B L I Z Z A R D

...
I'm actually sitting at Will and Casey's with Ty right now. They are Ty's friends. Well, they were. They're my friends now. I randomly showed up today without him and at first they were like :? but then they were like :] so it was cool.
...
Ty just got off work. He brought me pasta. I think that's sweet.
...
Ty called blizzard and the wait is 45 minutes or something insane like that but I'm sitting with his phone next to me in case an actual person answers because his WOW has been frozen like ten hundred years. I feel like that's sweet of me, sort of.
...
Today I said, "Well, Baby, I guess while you're at work I'll kinda go look for a job."
5pm.
(Looks for job)
(Drives to mall)
(Thinks, walks)
(Sees Justice)
(Goes inside)
"Are you hiring?"
"Yes"
(Has job, tomorrow, at 3.)
...
I've never been so happy.