New Years

I'm going to be a writer.
I'm going to have a book on a S H E L F.
I'm going to have H I M and I'm going to be happy.

>>Then I'll have school.
I'll have learning and I'll be S M A R T E R.
I'll buy groceries and have drapes.
I'll have a nice house and I'll invite people over.

>>We'll eat cheetos and I'll have a baby.
I'll have you and company and Aurora.
We'll all be happy.

>>Not that this is a year.
More that this is a turning point.
Turning G E A R S.

What would I do without her?

I thought about naming my son Titanic

I thought about the I N T E R N E T. I thought about what it could and should be and if it was an elevator, I think it would travel--"gears turning G E A R S"--to the floor infinity. And if it traveled at its normal speed, I think it would sound like typing--but if it went in hyper S P E E D, I think it would sound like this.

Millicent

I miss her so much.

Does it offend you, yeah?

Virtual Insanity.

I miss the nineties. I just bought a dress from the thrift store. Totally nineties. I can wear it at school. But, not in the real world. I don't think people would really appreciate it.

Click here.

senior page

Mary+me(x)Jules+Kristi
April 12
+food
+reading our work
+my family
+interpretive dance to my short story
+fun decorations
=
Amazing amazing amazing. I can't wait.

F'TAHHH

I don't understand why I've yet to catch up on my sleep.

I didn't sleep Monday night--or Tuesday, but--

W E D N E S D A Y I really tried.

I don't think I'm cute when I sleep.
I drool a lot.
And snore I think.

I woke up with snot pouring from my nose at two a.m.
Blew it.
And went back to sleep.
When I woke up this morning:
I had on one sock.
The other was under my pillow.
Covered in snot.
Hello, disorientation, are you nasal cavities clear?

Naps and Plastic.

They Looked Like Open-Faced Baby Sandwiches.
>>

I miss the plastic mats sticking to M Y F A C E.
I miss holding my doll close,
kissing her audibly. Two fingers
spreading my eyelids open.
Index on my forehead, thumb on my cheek.
Fighting to stay awake--I don't know why,
what would I have missed?
My teacher would be above me, my mat
lined up under her feet. When I saw her,
she would put her finger to her lips,
tell me to "shh." I was never noisy,
just awake. Now
I H O L D M Y E Y E L I D S O P E N
struggle to finish bubbling in
all the right answers (or the wrong ones.)
I can't sleep anymore. I watch my niece, drifting
off. Imagine sitting in an A line skirt, heels
and hose trailing up to my desk, paper clips
--a little girl trailing her eyes
F R O M M Y P E E P T O E
to my lips. "Shhh." Sharpening pencils,
I'll watch them. Serinity and boredom.
Drooping eyelids.
Even the pencil shavings would interest me.

T H I S I S A L L O V E R T H E P L A C E

Jason is so cute.
Weekends are not long enough.
I want to stick those little shower stickers that you put on your shower floor so you don't slip on weekends so they don't slip by so fast. I want to cover week days in Crisco and let them slip by. I hate them.
I love sleeping. S L E E P I N G is so lovely. Especially with cuddles. You don't really get that at art school. Well, I mean, I guess I could--but it wouldn't be the same.

We're playing dirty santa this week.

Mine is extra dirty because I don't even have money for a present.

Wow.

My H E A D hurts. And my neck hurts. HERTZ.

All this college planning is driving me insane.

say yes to the dress

I want to get married. I want to wear a wedding dress.

I want to cuddle at night and make pancakes in the morning.

I want a kitchen and I want to bake cookies.

I want to scrap book and never miss a thing.

I want everything I thought I would hate.

I'm a lot simpler than I would have thought this time last year.

I just want the normal stuff.

And a best-seller, or course.

I want to put on a wedding dress and have a wedding kiss and be happy.

Gees, I'm such a G I R L

Lazy: Teenager vs Writer

I'm really concerned about this whole, not being able to write thing. I'm putting all the creativity I can muster into my internet self. Twitter and Blogger and such. But, it's giving me http://www.weheartit.com/. Looking at "art" or something like it really helps.

Given I'm at art school you would think I had all of that I could handle.

The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that my classmates are all somewhat in the same boat as me. I'd like to point out to my teacher that I'm not lazy, I'm just stuck. But, I can't lie--I am pretty lazy. And I don't know how much of my S T U C K is due to laziness.

Probably a lot I'm sure.

But, also--I don't want to write like a teenager. I want to write like a writer.

I don't think teenagers can be writers. I think teenagers can be teenagers. And being a teenagers encompasses a lot of things. Which makes them far to busy too be writers.

John Green said that teenagers are invincible. I think I agree.

But, I am not a teenager. I am a hybrid. I would like to be a teenager (sometimes) but, more-so, I want to be a w r i t e r.

I told Jules we were the only two real writers in the class.

The only two absolute not-writers were manga&agnam;;

Agnam wrote two novellas this year.

She D O E S pronounce NO-VELL-UH "NAH-VUL-UH"

But, she's written.

I've deleted all my begginnings.

I'm a failiterary.

Just because you're at church doesn't mean you're a christian;;

Just because I'm at A R T S C H O O L doesn't mean I'm an A R T I S T

But, because I'm seventeen;;

I guess I am a T E E N A G E R

meaning, by default, I am L A Z Y

criss cross?

Elgoog sdrawkcab dna liht si eht tsrif gniht taht semoc pu.

money could buy a tea set

If I had a tea set I would invite you over.

We could sit on a braided rug, cross-legged on the floor.

Sip coke from china tea cups and talk about the weather.

We could make the best of company, just spending time together.

If I had a tea set

I w o u l d h a v e m o r e f r i e n d s

everyone would love me

if I had a tea set.

Duck, Chicken, Goat

I really, literally, cannot write. I know, I know--it's because I won't LET myself. And, yeah, I won't. When things are bad, repeatedly, I get a little dicouraged.

I've been writing my whole life. It is all I want to do (beside cuddle) and, I would just appreciate to be able to do it.

I wrote about a goat today.
I wrote about Daniel, but he won't remember that story.

yeah, yeah, I'm being negative.
I also can read 1337 but not write it myself.

I think 1337 is cool.
I've started this blog over so many times.
I think I have commitment issues.

I'll never be famous. I just want large amounts of people to think I'm great.
I finished my portfolio for photography, so maybe I won't failtography after all.
I'm the only one that's finished in my whole class--and people really like my pictures. I'm pretty happy.


Also! It may snow. And it's Jdogg and I's 3 month anniversary.
Monthiversary?
I wish I was cool or nifty at least.

I wish I could understand economics and not make so many fetus jokes.
I'm innaproprite.

Better watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to feel better.

:;Brookeworm <3z you, probably;: