L A Y E R S

B L O G G E R I S U N B L O C K E D

Which is great, because I was really missing out on some valuable blogging and free writing.

Oh blogger, how I've missed you. I K E P T T H I N K I N G of great things to blog, but then I couldn't. Which was really disappointing.

Things that have been going on:

• the literary magazine



• getting ready for college



• -scholarships



• -begging for my acceptance letters



• -trying to decipher fafsa



• -crying



• missing Jason more and more as the weeks progress



• counting down the days until graduation (100 today)



• coming to the realization that I'll be a grumpy old lady



• accepting it because Jason will be a grumpy old man



• laughing at the thought of us hating everyone together



• bashing my peers with the few faculty I have come to love



• smiling at the progress I've made in my two years at MSA



• falling in love with the way words fall on paper

--

M Y I P O D C R A S H E D I N T H E M O S T B E A U T I F U L W A Y

The people that were there for me last year, when I got my iPod, the ones that filled it with music--they aren't there anymore. Specificly one. And, losing all that music made me think:

1. I could be ok



2. I could lose people and still be okay



3. I didn't really like the music they listened to



4. I love Kings of Leon and Passion Pit



5. My life needs a soundtrack

--
I lost so much, but now the people I'm around, the ones that refilled my iPod--they mean the most to me.
--

But, at the same time I know I could lose them all and make it.
--

Time doesn't heal. You're never H E A L I N G when that time passes. You get to know who you are when no one is around. You come to love yourself for all the bad. I hate who I was before. And I'm shaking and I'm starting over and I'm watching the layers fall back and I'm realizing that I love myself. That I can love myself.

--
So maybe I can't lose these people.

--
Maybe they mean more to me than those people could.

--
I love these people because they are a part of who I am.
--

Which would make it impossible to lose them.

--
Because, in the end, I don't think I could ever lose myself.