I write mostly in free forms, non fiction, and invisible ink.

R E L E V A N T S H I T

Holland, 1945

The only girl I've ever loved
Was born with roses in her eyes
But then they buried her alive
One evening 1945
With just her sister at her side
And only weeks before the guns
All came and rained on everyone
Now she's a little boy in Spain
Playing pianos filled with flames
On empty rings around the sun
All sing to say my dream has come

But now we must pick up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on

And now we ride the circus wheel
With your dark brother wrapped in white
Says it was good to be alive
But now he rides a comet's flame
And won't be coming back again
The Earth looks better from a star
That's right above from where you are
He didn't mean to make you cry
With sparks that ring and bullets fly
On empty rings around your heart
The world just screams and falls apart

But now we must pick up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on

And here's where your mother sleeps
And here is the room where your brothers were born
Indentions in the sheets
Where their bodies once moved but don't move anymore
And it's so sad to see the world agree
That they'd rather see their faces fill with flies
All when I'd want to keep white roses in their eyes

C R I C K E T S A R E G E R M A N

"Your hair is like Germany."
"Cricket...I don't think Bears can kiss Crickets. I think that's just eating."
TYDEE: I need some caulk to fill these cracks."
ME: WUT
TYDEE: CAUUULLKKK
ME: pft
"Why do you have so much feta cheese on your sandwich? That's just a feta sandwich with ham."

"You're really mean when you sleep, I think I'm bruised."

U R C U T E L I E K P O O P

Tydee made me better when I was sick. :3 He takes care of me,

he's so sweet. He mad me soup and got all my medicine and didn't let me walk to get blankets or cokes or anything. I love him.

Everyone is acting so weird lately. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But you think you know a person and then POOF, they're a zombie. They're an apocolapse. Look out, kiddos, your best friend is the end of the world, your cat is a black whole, and your hamster cures cancer.


I'm being sarcastic.











These guys mean more to me than most people I know IRL. SRSLY. Days like today I find myself scrolling through my phone to text John about a cute girl at work, or a new found Nerdfighter.





I don't want you to apologize. Really, none of you. I've thought about it and I'm just done. I'm convinced. It cannot be fixed. You messed up. I'm so tired. I just want to get out of this high school hole and act a little more grown up. Sorry. But, that's some immature gaming going down.








So I'm loving my job at Justice when I can actually work. I hate just standing, greeting is a joke. I am not that peppy. Sorry. Let me fold, organize, or run dressing rooms. I just want hours. I just want to be productive. I just want to be able to eat sushi once a week and bathe. That's all my life needs. And my laptop, oh internet.

If you can count you can haiku.
DERP.

I'm really angry. And upset. And I hate a lot more people than I ever thought I could. For an assortment and abundance of reasons. However, I'm angry at more people that I can't just hate.


And if you're reading this and feeling guilty you probably deserve that guilt and have done something worth that feeling.

But, if you're reading this and feeling concerned about me, then you're actually someone I still count on. So yeah, that's how you can judge this post. And I'm sorry, but I really can't be witty or cute writer like at three AM.


But I also can't sleep.
So what does that say about commitment?


I mean, I am writing so--I'd like some credit for effort. I'm also doing my best and trying really hard to become a human person. So that's neat too.


I'm also sick. I'd just like to fall back on that as often as possible.


I'd really like healthcare for an assortment of reasons,
allergy shots tests and pills
therapy (and maybe pills but preferable not.)
check ups
emergencies

That's all. And it doesn't seem like much, but when you're sick--it's different.

I would also really like to figure out college more.

And life.

And money.

And just, you know, get my book published.


Also, if I feel like it, I feel like I should both be allowed and have the ability to tie groups of people together and throw them down stairs. A lot of stairs. Like, down a pyramid.




My predictive text doesn't know Jason and I are broken up. And I told it how to say jason and brebre. so now if i want to type "are" it thinks i mean brebre.

I'm sorry. I'm typing so gross.

I've actually started typing in ridiculous ways to avoid the jason stuff though. it's so annoying.



Ty has taken care of me so well while I've been sick. And before. I love him so hard. It's stupid how much he's amazing.


I miss Daniel a lot. And Mary and Kristi. And various other folks.

I'm really sad though. But, apparently, I'm not allowed to complain. So, I'm not. Things are "just how i made them."




In my head, you're just standing by a staircase. Daring me to jump or push you.

Today the internet told me I was ugly. But then the internet told the internet to STFU. And it did. And I was so happy I got fuzzy--then I sneezed.

I love gaia so hard. I can't even stop. I'm nostalgia-in like a loser but I can't help it at all. It's INSANE.

I'm getting up at six AM to take my sister to drill team. I have to go to work at two. Where will the sleep happen?

I love my job. I love those little girls. But the moms suck, a lot of them. It's sad.

I don't think parents know how to parent. I mean, I'm not saying I DO. But, I don't think I would tell my daughter, "-name-, you can't shop here! You got fat and now none of these clothes look right on you. And I'm not going to have you going out and making me look bad."

1) She was overweight, but I would never say that to my child. Ever.
2) I would never let my child get that overweight. Ever. You do have control over that.
3) There were clothes that fit her there. Aplenty.

I was so mad I could scream. But then one little girl and her mom came in and started looking around and the mom would hold something out and say, "do you like this?" and the little girl would say, "eh." Then she would take it over to me and ask, "My mom likes this, is it cute?"

1) I am color deficient. In no way am I the outfit queen.
2) They were NOT cute, but I told the little girl they were because her mom was like, very close by.
3) I wanted to tweet that when it happened. I could not, as I was at work.

My allergies are trying to kill me. My throat hurts so bad. I could sleep for a week. I mean, I'm glad I have a lot of hours, but I'm so tired. I'll be happy next week when I don't work quite as much.

I'm trying to decided whether or not I want to go see the kids at MSA. I don't know. I might wait a while. I might have to with work and school. Dumb.

I can't figure out my online alcohol class.

Tydee looks like a bear when he's sleeping. I love him.

I'm sleepy now. I love you.

Shame on your for missing so much of my life!I'm just kidding. You know I couldn't ever stay mad at you. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me!

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..
...
..
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I moved. In to a new house. With Ty. In Hattiesburg. It is so awesome I can't even tell you with words. I got a JOB. I work now. I have lost my schedule twice. I actually work tomorrow, but I don't know when. I've been on Gaia a lot lately. I can't tell you how happy I am. Other than that whole thing with me losing my hours twice. I mean, the first time Heather wrote them on a sticky note. Next on a receipt. I don't know. I guess I should have been like, please let me write them here, on my eyelids. I have sonic receipts from February--but not a Justice receipt from yesterday? My life, it has no sense. But tydee <3

G A I A

The things I do for it.
This got me 10k.

Naps like maps across twin cities--
finding fingers&hands like missing suburbs.
I want to find myself in the rubble,
let me crawl back to the surface,
I can't fall if I'm sleeping in the ashes.
I can't sleep with my shoes on.

B L I Z Z A R D

...
I'm actually sitting at Will and Casey's with Ty right now. They are Ty's friends. Well, they were. They're my friends now. I randomly showed up today without him and at first they were like :? but then they were like :] so it was cool.
...
Ty just got off work. He brought me pasta. I think that's sweet.
...
Ty called blizzard and the wait is 45 minutes or something insane like that but I'm sitting with his phone next to me in case an actual person answers because his WOW has been frozen like ten hundred years. I feel like that's sweet of me, sort of.
...
Today I said, "Well, Baby, I guess while you're at work I'll kinda go look for a job."
5pm.
(Looks for job)
(Drives to mall)
(Thinks, walks)
(Sees Justice)
(Goes inside)
"Are you hiring?"
"Yes"
(Has job, tomorrow, at 3.)
...
I've never been so happy.

J O R D A N

I'm completely for this.

Jordan Scaife is one of the most legit people I have ever met. I can't even lie. I don't really know what I stand for if I am Team Jordan. But given the Team Edward/Jacob options, I choose her.
I'm team Jesus because Edward and Jacob can't save you. /save?
I'm sitting with Ty at his friends house and it's not until now that I realize I just always think life sounds like a video game. There aren't really sound effects when I walk, or run into doors, or tables, or eat, or almost die.

I really am illogical. I colored a picture for Ty today and spelled "really" wrong. It made me a little sad.

So I'm sitting around and realizing that I've spent my summer doing things I find immediately important, which is good, but my book is really sad right now. I need like, 150 more pages until I'm comfortable saying it's finished. But, I am going to go to college so that's good I guess.
I can't type with these sleeves.

A N U P D A T E

I'm in Florida. I apologize for my away-ness. I've missed you dearly.

Ty and I are getting 30 baby Hedgehogs. For obvious reasons.










<3 This is Ty ^^









I miss Bebeh. A lot. Sometimes I think that I want to bake, then I realize I just haven't cuddled with her in a while.

I'm so S U N B U R N E D. I really cant move.