I'm really angry. And upset. And I hate a lot more people than I ever thought I could. For an assortment and abundance of reasons. However, I'm angry at more people that I can't just hate.


And if you're reading this and feeling guilty you probably deserve that guilt and have done something worth that feeling.

But, if you're reading this and feeling concerned about me, then you're actually someone I still count on. So yeah, that's how you can judge this post. And I'm sorry, but I really can't be witty or cute writer like at three AM.


But I also can't sleep.
So what does that say about commitment?


I mean, I am writing so--I'd like some credit for effort. I'm also doing my best and trying really hard to become a human person. So that's neat too.


I'm also sick. I'd just like to fall back on that as often as possible.


I'd really like healthcare for an assortment of reasons,
allergy shots tests and pills
therapy (and maybe pills but preferable not.)
check ups
emergencies

That's all. And it doesn't seem like much, but when you're sick--it's different.

I would also really like to figure out college more.

And life.

And money.

And just, you know, get my book published.


Also, if I feel like it, I feel like I should both be allowed and have the ability to tie groups of people together and throw them down stairs. A lot of stairs. Like, down a pyramid.




My predictive text doesn't know Jason and I are broken up. And I told it how to say jason and brebre. so now if i want to type "are" it thinks i mean brebre.

I'm sorry. I'm typing so gross.

I've actually started typing in ridiculous ways to avoid the jason stuff though. it's so annoying.



Ty has taken care of me so well while I've been sick. And before. I love him so hard. It's stupid how much he's amazing.


I miss Daniel a lot. And Mary and Kristi. And various other folks.

I'm really sad though. But, apparently, I'm not allowed to complain. So, I'm not. Things are "just how i made them."




In my head, you're just standing by a staircase. Daring me to jump or push you.